My Silent Mind - Part I

Silently mind-wandering, reminiscing about my life--what I have done, what I haven’t done, and the goals I have and haven’t achieved – sometimes I find myself thinking about the same ‘ole things. Then I remember the words my grandma left me with… Walk tall and keep your legs crossed. Of course every single time I encountered this humorous spirit she offered this same advice. I would like to say it sunk in, I devoured it and lived with it every single day of my young life, committed to its premise. But I can’t. Too many promises and experiences later, I can regretfully admit I’ve broken every rule in the book. I’ve been here and back and here and back again. But I’m still standing, waiting for the day my fairy tale will come true. But before I can confidently tuck my hands into a sweet and ripened pocket, I must pay my dues and illustrate to the many what I’ve done to deserve a freakin’ break. Perhaps no one owes me a thing, for I was born in American – the best damn country in the world—a place where we as the people are truly free to do, to be whomever we choose to be. And so I choose to be…uhr… uhr…Honestly, I don’t know what the hell I want to do with my life? And that became the question of the day, of the week, of each year of my life, until I discovered that what I really wanted to do with my life was something of impossibility. So of course I settled. My dad emphatically influenced me in a manner like no other. Simply stating what he thought was the best path for me to take, he informed me that I WILL go to college and I WILL like it. He was right and wrong, as most dads are in the mind of a teenager! I DID go to college, but I DIDN’T like it. I wasn’t ready to invest my future in a future that wasn’t for me. School bored me; it literally brought me to my knees, causing me to constantly reflect on what I should be doing out there in this great world of ours. Although I didn’t know what I should be doing, I knew it wasn’t what I was doing. And my silent mind breaks...